Sometimes, the fact that we can’t put a face to your name can make it difficult to believe in your existence. Bad things happen, prayers go unanswered, and the despair effortlessly multiplies. Yet, every time the bad seemingly starts outweighing the good, you show up with a sign that is undoubtedly from you. That will never get old, and that will never go unappreciated.
So, I want to take a minute to thank you. I have so much to be grateful for, you’ve blessed my family and me with countless miracles, but, right now, I want to focus on the one that I cherish so profoundly: love.
I spent years giving my love to someone who didn’t appreciate it until it was no longer for him. I was with someone who only knew how to take, and my reservoir of generosity quickly depleted- so much so that I started giving pieces of myself to compensate for it. I justified everything with the idea that those who are hardest to love need it the most. I still believe that, but in giving all of my love, and receiving just a fraction in return, I was hurting myself. I’ve always loved without reason. My love has never been dependent on what I receive, and it’s a beautiful concept to adhere to, but only when it’s not taken advantage of.
The daily pain I felt in my heart multiplied over the years, and at times I questioned what was going on with you. I’d pray relentlessly for you to fix the situation, and sometimes you would- but just for a little. I thought you were ignoring my prayers, but you weren’t- you just had something else in store for me.
You hand delivered to me a beautiful soul, just when my heart needed it the most. I had lost all hope, but then you gave me Tre. And he gave me everything I had spent countless nights praying for. Maybe he’s my good karma for giving so much love to people who needed it, but didn’t know how to value it. Maybe he’s my reward for never letting my heart become bitter. Because no matter how many times my heart broke, and no matter how much pain I was experiencing underneath the surface, I kept my heart open and understanding. It never hardened. It’s a beautiful thing to remain true to oneself, and it’s a beautiful thing to give love to everyone you meet, but it’s also a vulnerability that people can abuse. You watched my struggle with this Catch 22, and you never ignored it.
Instead, you rewarded it.
I never expected it, in fact, it wasn’t even how I pictured it, but you gave me someone who was a million times more deserving of my love. Like a parent, you knew better than me, even when I thought I knew it all. You’ve shown me the purpose of faith with matters of the heart, because when my world was black and white, you brought me someone who finally added color to it.
I’ve experienced love in so many ways, but this one is my favorite…by far.
And now, I know that none of what I experienced before was random. I can’t deny that it was heartbreaking to go through, but without that experience, I don’t think I would be able to appreciate this one to its fullest extent. I went from being with someone who made me feel invaluable and unappreciated, to someone who treasures me and respects me, and spoils me with loyalty. I used to feel discouraged and sad, but now I live in a blissful happiness that is so big I can’t even describe. I live in a world where anything is possible, because I have a partner who encourages me to be and love my true self.
People might look at love in a corny light. But at the end of the day, everything- money, cars, clothes, houses- those things are nothing if you don’t feel something more, especially on a transcendental level. Money without love is desolate. It’s your contact and experiences with other beings that give your life joy and meaning.
You’ve shown me that love is not just a feeling, it’s an energy. It’s so powerful, and when it’s used the right way, it can make anything possible.
And for the record- it’s difficult to experience the purest of loves, and not believe in your existence.